look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
