Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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