Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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