respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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