I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
