hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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