I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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