I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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