I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
