Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
