You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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