He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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