Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Houston, we have a squirter
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
