I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
