He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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