I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
