he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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