Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
