I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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