Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
