Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
