census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
