i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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