No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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