Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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