That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
