i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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