im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
