I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
