how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
