He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
