Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She told me I should be a condom model.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
