Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
