They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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