they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want a musical about memes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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