They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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