Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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