i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do herpes really smell.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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