I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
