Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
