Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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