I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
