Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this boner is exhausting
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
