She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
