Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
