I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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