is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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