i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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