The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
