When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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